Blessed Taste For Golden Lover

BLESSED TASTE FOR GOLDEN LOVER

_{“Scissors of fate are able to cut any bonds.” – Henry Fielding}

Once I had a doggy; its story was unusual for it got into our home directly from a garbage can where someone heartless had thrown it away. Happily for the weanling puppy who was apparently a new-born of a day or two, my brother heard its whining when passing by and as you guessed fished it up. So, the spicy moment about this story wasn’t puppy’s milk feeding from syringes, warming the suckling by lamps or my mum’s torturous fight with two contradistinct desires – reasonable wish to give the dog into the village as soon as it’d start eating foods and unreasonable temptation to leave it at our small apartment for the rest of its days. The zest happened a year later, when (yes, yes, mummy’s feelings gained victory over rationality so my bro and me got a new pet) I tried to introduce Dana – that was our dog’s name meaning “Given By God” – to all sorts of males coming across during walks.  

The result was illogical: Dana didn’t want doggish love. Years passed without visible changes making me give up the attempts to gift her a gustation of motherhood. Every time a new potential suiter was running up in mating call to make good friends, she jumped aside with popped-out eyes in such panic as if a humble-bee bit her in the ass, squealing like a swine at the sight of knife sharpening  butcher. Whatever nested in her fluffy head, she knew her logic of non-courtesy well, but I didn’t know it, totally lost in guessings. Reproduction instincts missing? No, during any oestrum Dana was shocking us with attacks of lewdness and copulating advances directed not at dogs, but at us, people!! She was lucky not to have been born at the Middle Ages when she’d be considered a devilish beast and jadish inclinations would lead her to Holy Inquisition’s fire!  

The mystery of targeting inappropriate sexual objects unfolded as I grew up and zoopsychology became one of my hobbies. As it turned out, everything was okey with my dog’s “attic”, what did spoil her was the days of eyes opening in the puppy. All younglings of higher animals (birds, mammals) switch on photographic memory immediately upon hatching out from eggs or opening eyes to fix the image of their ma or daddy, exactly this photo will eventually match with the desired object for pairing. Incredible, having got into unnatural conditions the puppy “photographed” humans! The articles I read demonstrated no less striking examples of perversions exposed on pictures: a hedgehog fed up by dog and squirrel raised by catty, a goose hatched by hen and titmouse taken under the wing of parrot… this list was endless and the behaviour pattern was similar: the photo fixed in these animals’ brain was so forceful and unbeatable that it laid a barrier on the way of Nature’s most powerful principle “reproduce with equals”.

Sometimes the parallels with animal world highlighting the deep biological roots of human behavior are inevitable and to my mind that’s exactly the case. The Social Exchange Theory certainly unarguably explains the human choices of spouses, according to which people make decision by comparing anticipated rewards from the relationship, both the material responding to Maslov’s pyramid of physiological needs (strive not to stay lonely, gaining physical and financial security) and non-material responding to higher levels of social hierarchy (blowing of self-esteem, fame, status, recognition). Still, if we speak of pure man-woman relations distilled from admixtures of benefits like money or status, we see the long-distance stairs leading to the lower floors of our visceral essence, and it’s again the principle of “brain camera working” projected to us, humans, yet in a more sophisticated way than to higher animals.

Though some psychological studies propose a popular hypothesis saying we’re inclined to choose the partner who looks like our parent (husband resembling dad, wife resembling mum), I totally disagree with this version, why then exotics attracts so much? I believe the photo of our most-most desired partner is taken… based on our dating experiences, on the summary of love failures and gains, on the practice of all previous relations when finally the winner in the Сontest becomes Your Golden Lover for the rest of days. In fact it’s like playing a lottery game: when you’re doing the lottery, you never know when you’ll pick up the prizewinning ticket, right? Here is the same, it may happen from the first time (hardly and rarely, judging by the law of probability), may from the tenth or may from the twentieth, who knows, it’s a matter of luckiness, you know! 

When we’re greenly young and inexperienced, our sexual taste is not formed at all, as a result we like many, try dating many and often get disappointed as something goes wrong. While we get upset from one more finished relations, we’re not aware it’s simply the Casting that goes along, and the sense of this Contest is a natural process of pair selection, usual testing of matching of characters, libidos, minds. This selection is so greatly individual that you may be a fun for one person and a world for another, therefore there’s no reason crying for someone not appreciating you, it’s good the space cleared for new relations to come. Some strictly religious countries like Arabian are devoid of this freedom of trying, young people don’t have freedom of choice, marry being virgins and have no comparison as such. I don’t mean it’s bad, I respect their way of living having its own pluses, zero comparison – zero temptations from outside in married life. But in free countries probation is the only guaranteed road to the target and the only reply to the question “Is the key to lock MINE?“.

It should be mentioned, there exists a category of people who always try and never find, actually such simply don’t need and don’t seek anyone permanent, they enjoy the variety of sexual partners and react to quite different types; it means they’ve never had anyone “golden” who’d form their taste, never been in deep spiritual connection named True Love and probably are not capable of entering into ties of marrying. 

But what happens if we, common pair seekers, found the Contest winner, our Golden Lover, the best intimate friend making us feel we do have our “Half” on the Earth, someone especially precious and very special, better than all in terms of bodies chemistry and characters compatibility, found and after that… lost?? This too may happen… The question to the circumstances which took your dearest away will remain unanswered as in Enigma’s song “Why?”: 

I’m asking why?
Nobody gives an answer…
Why the destiny like this
That the good ones disappear? 

Then, as the Almighty Time will heal the wound and Nature will win the field by activating search again, the picture of your lost beloved imprinted in photographic memory will bless your taste for new relations. Exactly the picture, not anything else – because you’ll be inclined to seek someone resembling your passion by appearance instead of traits of character. Thus, if your vanished “sweety” was a blond you’ll generally react to blonds first of all; when watching movies your heart will uncontrollably jump up at actresses with light, not dark hair, and the more a woman will bear resemblance by face features, figure to your ex-love, the more you’ll like her thanks to associations evoked from memories. Looks like our brain, as a musical instrument, gets tuned for the melody of heartbeat we were hearing at the dates with our Best, pushing us to seek this quietened down melody everywhere, and the music notes are here outer, not inner characteristics.

At times this photographic principle works out well, at times it plays a bad trick when the new partner resembling by look turns out to be drastically different in attitudes. It even occurs that the new partner gets attention by the criterion of physical impairment, if ex-love unfortunately had some of the kind. From celebrities the example is Paul Mc Cartney, the torchbearer of greatest band in the history of popular music, the Beatles. The losing of his sick wife Linda Mc Cartney, mother of his kids and inspirer in activities, pushed him to relations with the woman who was also physically invalid – Linda lost breast, Heather Mills lost her leg, that was the crucial touching moment in his fancy. Paul Mc Cartney married Heather on June 11, 2002 with high hopes for the future, nevertheless his four-year marriage ended with disgustingly scandal divorce that bitterly showed: though human brain links two into one, there’s not much in common between outer and inner similarity. The lost Golden Lover, the Former of Your Taste, your flower, your pain, will most likely remain unique, there won’t be a due replacement. As in Enigma’s song that tears the soul apart with notes of regretting: 

I was childish and unfair
To you, my Only Friend,
I regret
But now it’s too late…
I can’t show you any more
The things I’ve learned from you, 
Cause life just took you away…

While we’re sugar coating feelings with intellectuality, spirituality, aesthetics and many more lordly notions, we rarely ask – what stands behind them? Who knows, maybe once psychology will become an exact science like math or engineering and the Humanity will take control over heart affairs calculating and planning the score of love as we calculate money today… A lot of science fiction comes true, maybe once it will come… uff, BETTER NOT, THAT’D BE BORING!!!  😛